It’s this time of the year or perhaps just my own cycle of ups and downs that has just hit rock bottom. It’s like the reign I’ve tighten so hard around my invisible yet loaded burden of thoughts, hopes and fears has become loose and the demons I’ve fought for so long are around me wherever I go, even in my sleep they attack and strike hard.
I wake up with swollen eyes, I conclude I was crying in my sleep but I can’t explain the stiff neck or the pain in my legs. Was I running away from something, too? I keep telling myself it’s just the end of the year not the end of the world but I’m having hard times convincing myself with that.
For the people I love and are away from me, I wish I was there for you in person to wipe out your tears, there’s nothing more magical than a warm hug. I never thought distance can make me so impotent, it’s paralyzing my sentimental system.
My balcony’s glass door is foggy right now and I can barely see the world outside. I’m trapped from the inside out and my chances of getting rescued are thinner than the light coming from that street lamp still lit in this time of the day.
I’m sad and mad and words are chocking me too for I can’t say or write what’s on my mind now. I’ve waited for this holiday for so long and now I wish it never came. The free time I have is torturing me and forcing me to think of matters I can do nothing about. I’m not just helpless I’m also clueless.
Are happy endings unfinished stories ? Is the end of the year the filter of all the woes and worries? When is the “click’s remote control” when you need it?